Diamonds are a mom's best friend...

If you didn't know that Mother's Day is just around the corner, then apparently you haven't seen any commercials on T.V. lately either. I am especially fond of the current spot running for Kay Jewelers. Two little girls give their mom a "spa day" at home complete with a soak in their kiddie pool, a glitter-festooned manicure, and then--SURPRISE--a pair of diamond earrings! My favorite part comes with the fine print at the end informing us that their diamond earrings range in price from $59-$3000. Really? That's a pretty wide range! So, um, yeah, kids...did you get mommy the $59 pair or the $3K studs? Yeah, that's what I thought!

I've read some rather amusing takes on Mother's Day while trolling various blogs. One mom rambled (fiercely) about how she has no interest in any presents, really. What she wants is a day off. Hell, she'll take a half-day. Two hours. Two hours to vegetate and do nothing. Hell, who is she kidding? She wants two hours to indulge her inner-TV whore with a Rock of Love marathon. She actually said "two fucking hours," but I wasn't sure if I wanted to cuss on my blog. But there. I did it. (Or it went something like that. I was going to copy and paste that paragraph from her blog, but I can't remember where in the hell I read it. Dang it!)

I don't really want anything for Mother's Day. I mean, I'll always accept (shout out to Lara) cash from any ol' person that wants to give it to me on any ol' day--no special occasion required--but I'm not going to swoon over $59 earrings, and Harper is too young to make me a macaroni necklace. I don't need nothing. (Yes, the double negative is purely for effect, so get over it.) Except maybe "two fucking hours" by myself to rewatch Eastbound and Down to see if Kenny Powers and I can bond. Or this bag from Pottery Barn. Or both. Hell, who am I kidding? You can never go wrong with diamonds. ;)

Man's Best Friend

So it ain't just a catchy phrase. Wrigley truly is Harper's best friend. Wrigs can always make her laugh when she is feeling down. In other words, Wrigs is my go-to girl after I piss off Harper. Wrig Pig helps her forget about that bump on her head, the toy that was taken away because it was not actually a toy, and any other reason Harper may pitch a fit.

They are obsessed with each other's toys. Wrigley attempts to steal all of Harper's plush toy animals, while Harper prefers doggie rope toys, blankets, and slobber-encrusted stuffed animals. Harper crawls around the room to pick up Wrigley's toys and groups them together. Maybe we have a mini-organizer in the making?? If I could only be so lucky!

C'mon baby, do the locomotion!

Does anyone remember that song? Flash back to the flippin' awesome sitcom "Full House," circa 1989 or so. D.J. and her unfortunate friend, Kimmy, were playing with some of Uncle Jesse's musical equipment, and they accidentally dubbed their rendition of "The Locomotion" over a song he and Joey had recorded. (Or something like that...) They realized they made a mistake, and I'm sure they learned their lesson by the end of the episode. Like, duh! Man, I loved that show! I could relate to D.J.'s chubbiness, and I, too, had an adorable and pesky little sister named Michelle. Over the years, I lost the chub and Chelle lost the pesky. Whew!

Anyhoo, my attempt at a clever blog title is in honor of Harper's latest development in mobility. The small fry can crawl--it is official. She crawled a few times earlier this week, yet I was reluctant to fork over the Girl Scout badge too soon. Jeff could only catch her scooting, not crawling, and I felt I needed a second judge to verify the performance. Finally, he saw her crawl yesterday evening. In this "ah-ha!" moment, he looked at me and said "This is serious. This means she will have to be monitored at all times now." No, really? Is it too outlandish to consider a baby leash? Very tempting...

As if hand-and-knee locomotion isn't enough, she has also been trying to pull herself up onto any piece of furniture she can get her grubby little hands on. I've had enough milestones this week, thank you very much! Part of me is excited that she is learning to do all these cool new things and the other part of me is tired just thinking about it! Thank goodness for nap time. Seriously, those few breaks in the day save what remains of my sanity. Oh, and happy hour helps, too. Ladies? :)


A sample of Harper crawling. Life as we know it is over!


This is what happens when she crawls out of the living room and discovers a bookshelf. It took all I had to restrain myself and watch as she pulled the books out!

Week in review

I have come close to blogging many times in the last week, but my efforts have proved futile. The boss lady requires constant, direct attention at all times unless she is sleeping. I can't even vacuum anymore, because HP has decided to turn her love for the Dyson into hate. How can you hate a Dyson?! Those vacuums are God's gift to rid the earth of dirt and dust everywhere! But I digress...

Let's keep it short and simple this morning as my sweet babe may rouse at any moment. (That's Harper, not Jeff, though they are both still asleep at 8 AM. If only I could get cut in on that deal!) The following is a list of Harper's distinguished accomplishments over the last week or so:

1. She turned 7-months old on Wednesday. Only fifteen years and five months until she is driving. Watch out!

2. We went in to the doctor last week for a couple of immunizations. We also received an update on her height (27.5 in - 79th percentile) and weight (16.7 lbs - 39th percentile). The percentiles pretty much have no meaning at all except to show us that she is growing steadily--thank goodness they only track that for so long in kiddos. I cringe at the thought of knowing where I stand compared against the height and weight of all other 28-year old American women!

3. Speaking of physical characteristics, I must take this moment to apologize to my daughter for inheriting my thighs. Sorry, Punkie! Luckily, you can call it "baby fat" for now, but that excuse got old once I hit my twenties!

4. Harper is thisclose to crawling. It makes me nervous, yet somewhat hopeful. I'm hopeful that she will soon be able to follow on my heels instead of crying when I move ten feet away to put in my contacts. On that same note, I'm also nervous at the thought of her following on my heels. I've never been known to be a good leader...yikes!

5. Her palate continues to expand. Quinoa was tossed into the rotation last week, and she seemed to enjoy it. The texture was questionable at first, but she got over it thanks to her buddy, squash, lending a hand. Well, squash (or squish--Jeff?) don't have hands, per se, but you get the idea!

6. We confirmed the appearance of a single pearly white tooth yesterday! There doesn't seem to be much she can do with just one tooth, but we're excited, nonetheless. I brushed her tooth after her bath last night, which she found incredibly amusing. Never too early to instill the importance of good dental hygiene! (Update: Second tooth was detected this morning. Woo hoo!)

7. This kid is V-O-C-A-L as ever. She "talks" frequently and very loudly whenever the mood strikes. Doesn't matter where we are--church, Children's Place, in the car, on the phone, etc. My response is to laugh and politely ask her to use her inside voice. Strangely, she never uses her outside voice outside. We'll just file that under "works in progress," which is becoming quite a long list!

I'm sure there are several things I'm leaving out, but I'm getting distracted and you are surely growing bored now, too. I will close with a handful of pictures--I know that is the only reason this blog is ever visited! Ta ta for now...


Backyard photo shoot with the lone blooming iris. The other 300 irises are still sleeping.

Kind of an awkward smile, but it looks so sweet to me!

Every outdoor excursion ends with Harper attempting to eat greenery of some sort.

Practicing her quasi-crawl.

She does 50 push-ups daily to keep in shape. You never know when Baby Vogue might come callin'!

I can already detect a bit of attitude. I am going to be in so much trouble--payback is a *beep*!

Smart move, Harper--try to blend in with the Killeen folk!

The crown and scepter didn't hold Audrey's attention for long, so Harper was the next recipient! (By the way, happy 3rd birthday, Audrey!) I wanted a picture of the two cousins together, but one of the subjects was not willing to participate. Maybe next time!

Happy Easter Saturday!

Harper never had a chance to meet Santa Claus last year. I still feel a tad guilty about not introducing the two of them, but, hey, Christmas was a busy season for us and St. Nick! In hopes of making it up to HP, I was determined to introduce her to the Easter Bunny. I don't want to give her too much ammo to use against me when she ends up in therapy years down the road! (Don't scoff...have you met my family? It's very possible!)

E.B. was at Ridgewood this morning, so we trotted on over to meet the furry fellow. Harper wore her adorable green RL dress*--we're saving the dressier duds for church tomorrow! She wore her new tennis shoes, too, since she handily removes any and all sandals in a flash.

In addition to ol' E.B., Harper made a handful of new fuzzy friends. She was unimpressed with the baby chicks, but she was enthralled by the llamas and goats! Of course, as soon as I saw the llamas, I yelled out "Tina, eat your ham!" (Ode to Napoleon Dynamite!) Harper also met a number of potential friends her own age who are not quite as furry. We may even have a new play group to join on Thursdays!

We lost her pacifier outside yet we were still brave enough to head in to the club for lunch. The food was great, and so was Harper's behavior! As the clock neared nap time, I bribed her with tiny bits of mac n' cheese to keep her in high spirits. All in all, our Easter Saturday adventure went off without a hitch!

*HP is already wearing some 12M clothing. She is so tall! I'm mean, seriously, she is close to half of my adult height!

Piece of quiet

Naps aren't scheduled at our house. They happen whenever and wherever the need presents itself. The purple blanket is a necessity. Ditto for the pacifier. More often than not, Harper's nap time = my chore time. The "experts" advise moms to nap when their child naps. Ha! Do magic fairies stop by to clean the house, feed the dogs, take out the trash and pay the bills while mom and baby doze off together into dream land? Ummm, yeah, that's what I thought!

This morning I'm just hoping her nap will: (a) last for more than fifteen minutes, and (b) give me a chance to sit down for once and let my brain unwind. When she wakes up, we'll both feel refreshed!

Who loves nap time? I do, I do! Peace and quiet seem like too much to ask for, so today I'll just settle for a piece of quiet.

Have you seen this child?

It was a rather ordinary day. A Wednesday, perhaps? Harper and I were hanging out in the living room on her new Crayola-colored foam floor mats along with an assortment of toys. I had to pee, so I exited stage left to the nearest restroom.

I was gone for a maximum of 37 seconds, I swear. As I reentered the living room, a flurry of thoughts careened through my head.

Where is Harper? Weren't we just in the living room? On the mats, right? She was sitting up on the green square--or was it the yellow square--attempting to eat her plastic snail teething toy, wasn't she? Am I losing my mind? Is it time for lunch yet? (Editor's note: I am easily distracted and often hungry.) We were in the living room, I know it! I didn't hear a door open, so I'm assuming no one stole my baby. Right? Where is she?!?!

Oh, there she is. Under the couch. Duh!